Victims of Love
I suffer if you are not here, I suffer because you are not this, that, what can I do to make you love me... If he/she was more this o less that...
It seems love is a strange external force working against them.
Why can they understand love is not a reaction? For me, Love is a creation process.
People think the other person, "makes something" so then they love him/her.
Then the power of loving comes from outside. From the one that "makes" things. They react. That is why they believe they can't "control it".
The other ilussion is that "the other" has to accomplish/cover your expectations. If you are: nice, kind, loving, smart... or if you were less jealous, selfish, etc. then, I love you.
On the first statement, I believe love is a decision, not a reaction.
I decide to love someone. With this perspective, I have the power of Love. It works for me, not against me. Because, I can always: a) keep my decision b) change it.
The value of ANY choice, is that I can always choose something else.
For me the strongest bond you can have with something [or someone] is conviction.
It is not because it is the only option available (then it would have no value, because there is nothing else to choose from), not because of fear, boredom, etc.
When something is done with self conviction, you will do it, against all odds.
On the second one, [if the other is more this, or less that] I believe what is the "ideal" for me may not work that well for the other. Obviously, we all are, do, and behave the way we think works best for us. (At least consciously) So, why does someone else have to change because the way he/she is doesn't work for me? She is like that. If I don't like it, the one with the problem it's me, not the other.
I think you can negotiate what you do, not who you are. I can try to be more punctual, polite, or not to respond in a nasty way. But I can't negotiate to be less affecionate, selfish or smart. That is part of who I am.
At the end of the day, people fall in love with someone for who he/she is!
For me, true love is the one that encourages the other to be more himself, instead of changing him/her.
Besides, love is unconditional, otherwise it is not love.
Nowadays I deeply love someone. More than I can remember. Why? Because I choose to do so.
When you live love as a creative process, when you recognize yourself as the source of love, you become empowered, and the act of loving turns you into a stronger person, instead of a victim.